Grandparenting in Times of Covid

It’s different, isn’t it?

As a Grandmother to three boys, aged 15, 12 and 9, I have had a few months to adjust to the initial shock of knowing we would have to be socially distant for possibly months to come.  I am close to all three boys and although our time together has begun to change due to their ages and proximity I always knew I could see them pretty much any time I wanted.  This I took for granted.

February 2020 began and ended at totally separate ends of the spectrum. Can you relate?  My husband and I began the month in Italy. Little did we know Covid was dancing all around us. We had a wonderful time in Soriano, Florence and Rome, returning in time to celebrate our first grandson’s 15th birthday.  He and his 12 year old brother live 35 minutes from us. Still shaking my head wondering where 15 years have gone.

The day following the party I packed up the car and drove to Vermont where our 9 year old grandson lives. I was looking forward to watching him traverse Suicide Six on skis. It’s a six plus hour drive but pretty easy and I have visited a few times since my daughter and her family moved last August.  Knowing I could jump in the car whenever I felt like it was another thing I took for granted.

My visit to Vermont was cut short as I got sick and figured I better head home.  I am not sure if I had Covid but I had what I will call “the flu” and ended up on the couch for two weeks.  That was the beginning of my quarantine and the last time I have seen my Vermont family. It is also the last time I visited my hairdresser!

March, April and May came and went and I did more FaceTime calls with the boys and their parents than I normally would.  I have to admit it is an effective way to stay connected and seeing their faces filled a void.  I think about how much more difficult it would be if we did not have iPhones and Zoom.

My attempt to create something meaningful to improve our connections was a bit short lived.  Not finding anything of substance on the web designed for kids aged 9, 12 and 15 I decided to create “Grammy’s Home School.”  The idea was to FaceTime everyone once a week to do trivia games, some educational based discussions and any fun stuff that would bring us together.  The first week went great.  All three joined and participated. Our time ran an hour longer than planned!  By the second week I had lost my eldest grandson…the content was not sophisticated enough for him and I realized that creating fun, educational sessions for all three age groups was not easy.  The younger two hung in for a couple more weeks and even worked on some cool projects that we shared and discussed.  Then my middle grandson decided to “quit school” so he could do some on-line games with a friend. My 9 year old hung in with me while we read a chapter book. I think he knew I needed it more than he did!

Then, finally, each of the boy’s schools set up their distance learning programs.  I was toast!  We made the shift to phone calls/FaceTime “on demand” and talk about anything but school.  Grampy has maintained a weekly on-line Roblox session with the youngest and sometimes the middle grandson joins them. Just staying in touch with them and asking them how they are doing and letting them know we are here for them has become our SOP.

When May came along, we had been in quarantine since end of February.  My husband had been working from home and the kids had all been sequestered in their homes.  We had some holidays and birthdays coming up and we wrestled with how we could see each other face to face.  I have to admit we were concerned. We dipped our toes in the water on Mother’s Day.  My son, his wife and our two oldest grandsons came for a visit! My son’s birthday was right after Mother’s Day so we had a combo party.   I got up early and baked a cake and prepped for a Covid-safe party.  We have an outside courtyard in between the garage and house.  Our plan was to have our visitors enter through the garage and stay in the courtyard while Grampy and I sat in the dining room, doors open to the courtyard.  It worked!  It almost felt dangerous. We were all careful to stay ten feet apart and no one sneezed.  It was so good to see them.

There were two more events to celebrate and it is interesting how much more comfortable we became as we neared the end of May.  We celebrated Grampy’s birthday here, had it catered and this time set up in the dining room. We took things a step farther and everyone came in and sat at the table.  No hugs but it felt almost normal.  By the very end of May we wanted to join our middle grandson for his 12th birthday, so we ventured out to his house and had a little party outside.  Still no hugs, but we were all together and it was so good to see his big smile as he opened gifts and blew out his candles.

Here we are in June and while I am watching the Covid numbers rise in states that “opened early” I am feeling fairly confident that we can spend time with the grandsons knowing they have not had contact with anyone other than family members.  A transition to the new normal hit this week when our eldest grandson came over to hang out and stay the night.  The boys have spent overnights with us since they were babies.  Sometimes all three at once or two at a time or just a single getting all the attention.  It is an important event for us each time it happens. Having an overnight visitor for the first time in four months was a real treat.

The picture above was taken behind the Inn at St. Peter’s Village (PA).  My grandson and I took a drive out there just for a change of scenery.  There were a lot of mask-less people in the river.  I guess masks and swimming really don’t pair well. The message on the rock caught our eye.  Seemed the perfect sentiment given the last couple of weeks our country has had.  It was good to be able to talk with a 15 year old about all the world happenings and know that he is making it through OK.

I know the local boys are a bit bored and miss their friends and playing team sports.  I hope they will be able to get back to regular routines soon.  Our guy in Vermont has been luckier.  He lives on a street with several friends his age and all the families pretty much quarantined together.  He has always been able to get out on his bike with friends or kick the ball around in the park or take a hike up Mt. Peg.  He seems the least affected and my conversations with him are upbeat and silly.  I miss being able to hop in the car and head up to see him.

For the most part kids are pretty resilient. Sometimes more so than their grandparents.  If you are a hands-on grandparent, as I believe we are, there is a finite period of time that you get to be with them.  The time gets naturally shorter with more infrequent interactions as they grow and move forward in life. I have to admit I have been struggling with that a little in the last year or so.  Being socially distanced from them because of a pandemic is something I never anticipated. It takes some adjusting and a commitment to creating special ways to stay in touch with each child.

For now I will continue to stay connected to them via FaceTime and occasional overnights with the local boys.  With face masks we can venture out to places that don’t have large crowds.  We can do curbside pick up and eat burgers in the car. We can plan an outing to the closest Drive-in movie theater and make a night of it.  And, as soon as it’s safe, we can all hop in the car and drive up to Vermont for a reunion.  Maybe by then I will be able to hug everyone without any doubts.

To all the grandparents out there, I know your routines have been changed. To the brand new grandparents, I imagine some of you have yet to hold your new grandchild.  For many of you family vacation plans have been cancelled.  How this will play out is unknown right now but I hope you are finding ways to stay connected to your grandchildren.  I would love to hear what creative things you have done to maintain your special connection.  I might steal some of your ideas!

Spread the Love,

Melissa  a/k/a Grammy